Daughters.. (n laws)

They may be called “Bahu Rani” but are hardly treated as such. Especially in a country like India, daughter -in -laws are always given the ‘special’ treatment and by special I don’t necessarily mean the beatings and torturing but even so, they are hardly ever treated as their own daughters. Please don’t get me wrong here, I am not here to write another saga about how a girl was mistreated by her own family, infact, it is just the opposite.

I belong to a completely different family, a family where expressiveness is not a quality, and openness of sentiments is well.. not common. Still, we are a family, without telling each other we love, share, suffer more importantly, LIVE. Then there is that common thread that binds us all together, that is my mother, the ‘bahu’ of the family. She was married into a family without a mother-in- law and a house that lacked the touch of feminism. Thirty years into the marriage and she is as if she always belonged to this family. She knits us together, making us COMPLETE, from my grandfather to my bua to chacha, be it anyone. We all claim we love her the most but we all know who it is, my grandfather has always held her close to his heart. She may be the one who has to listen to the maximum scolding’s from him,(which more often than not it is for the deeds of one of us) but he does not let anyone say a word against her. He has never openly said it, but he treasures her more than his own daughters and it is a fact well understood by his own daughters too.
My grandfather is not an easy man to please, he is those typical oldies who is fussy about things, likes his belongings a certain way and derives pleasure out of being the head of the house. Last week when I was home on a Sunday, he had his Television on to a maximum volume while we were all gearing up for our afternoon nap, my Dad, who cannot compromise on his sleep (Seriously, I have my doubts if he will stay up for my marriage), barged into his room and asked him to shut down the TV. Click, and there was dead silence. My mom called up today and told me that three days since that unfortunate Sunday my granddad did not turn on the TV at any time. Obviously, mom was the only one to notice it and told Dad and Bua about it, they did not want to intervene in it but mom couldn’t take it anymore. She tells me she had to sit with him for an hour to convince him to switch on the TV again.
There was a big smile on my face when mom was telling me the story and I couldn’t help but admire her. I have never told her this but I have always wanted to be like her, but it is not so easy. She tells me that she is knitting kids sweaters these days; she plans to give them to five poor kids one of whom she spotted at the Gurudwara today. Four more to go, she tells me, excited as a kid and I think to myself, ‘Man she makes it tougher every day’!!

Mom told me that her happiest day was when one of my Grandfathers relative told my Nani, that I hear your daughter is a wonderful ‘Bahu’, the best in the Bhatia family. “I want to hear that for you one day”, she told me.

I am going to try, try my best so that if someday I do achieve it I can proudly say, ‘It’s all because of my mother’!!

My books and me..

Here’s a tag for all book lovers! Slightly too long, but it is about BOOKS!!
1. Favorite childhood book? I guess it’l have to be Enid Blyton
2. What are you reading right now? Eat, Love Pray
3. Bad book habit? Falling asleep while reading a book. :) But I love when that happens
4. Do you have an e-reader? No. As if I already don’t spen enough time on computers.
5. Do you prefer to read one book at a time or several at once? One book at a time.
6. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? Not really, infact I have started appreciating good novels
7. Least favorite book you read this year (so far)? It was so boring, I’ve even forgotten the name.
8. Favorite book you’ve read this year? Jeffery Archer- The Winner Stands Alone
9. How often do you read out of your comfort zone? Rarely
10. What is your reading comfort zone? Depends on my mood really, from mushy romantic novels to high packed drama to dramatic novels
11. Can you read on the bus? Nope, I feel dizzy
12. Favorite place to read? On a train journey, if I am alone
13. What is your policy on book lending? Should be returned the way it was lent
14. Do you ever dog-ear books? Only during emergencies, but I hate doing it.
15. Do you ever write in the margins of your books. Nope.. no way
16. Not even with text books?Not at all. I like my books clean ( underlines maybe)
17. What is your favorite language to read in?
18. What makes you love a book? If I get so engrossed in it that I loose track of time
19. What will inspire you to recommend a book- If it helps me change something in myself
20. Favorite genre? Nothing specific as such
21. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?) – If I wish I did.. I would
22. Favorite biography- I don’t enjoy biographies, wouldn’t want to influence my life with what others did with theirs.
23. Have you ever read a self-help book? Not really
24. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)-This year I have not been able to spend much time with the books
25. Favorite reading snack? Something where I don’t have to concentrate much on the eating part (popcorns maybe)
26. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience- Namesake27. How often do you agree with critics about a book? No, I like to make my opinions
28. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews? Not bad, its my opinion and I stick to it.
29. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose? Punjabi ( I want to learn it so that I can teach it to m y kids :P)
30. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read? Dr Brian Weiss- Many masters many lives and Sermons from the masters
31. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin? None
32. Favorite Poet? Favorite fictional character? I don’t like poetry, too high fi for me
33. Favorite fictional villain? It would be from one of the Sidney Sheldon novels, they were all too good.
34. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation? Something light and funny
35. The longest I’ve gone without reading I guess the first 4 months of my first job.
36. Name a book that you could/would not finish- The Alchemist by Paulo Cohelo
37. What distracts you easily when you’re reading? Phone calls38. Favorite film adaptation of a novel? Harry Potters, all of them (cant wait for the last two )
39. Most disappointing film adaptation? Shakti, it is an adaptation of ‘Not without my daughter’, couldn’t do justice to the book
40. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time? 500 bucks I guess
41. How often do you skim a book before reading it? I just read its back cover.. always
42. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through? It does not appeal to me, or if I think ‘what crap is this’
43. Do you like to keep your books organized? I would like to, Yes
44. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them? No such hangups
45. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding? Not really
46. Name a book that made you angry. Angry?? Why would a book make me angry (unless it is one of those horoscope books which say I wouldn’t have a good year ahead, Screw them!!)
47. A book you didn’t expect to like but did? Harry Potter, that was a big surprise
48. A book that you expected to like but didn’t? Paulo Cohelo, I really thought I’d like it.
49. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading? Readers Digest, still love it!!

Random!!

I was having lunch at a restaurant today when I saw my phone (Bling!!) lying far across the table and I thought to myself, I should remember to pick it up once I leave, from the looks of these waiters they wont even give it back if I come back looking for it later.

Half an hour later, I had just walked out of the restaurant when a waiter came running after me.. "Ma'am you forgot your phone on the table"!!

God has funny ways of making us realize how selfish we are at times!!

The Big fat Indian Wedding

I know that the first question that will come to your mind after reading this blog is that why did I go to this wedding at all, so I am going to answer that first, it was a dear cousin’s wedding and in my defence, i was not aware of the risks that I was taking.

Anyways, the wedding started with the pre- marital ceremony called “Sagan”. As soon as I entered the Gurudwara I could feel all eyes on me, Ok granted, some of them were seeing me after ages and were actually using all their logics to figure out whose daughter I was. As soon I was seated, conscious that all my movements were being observed, I was pounded upon by the ladies who claimed to be my distant yet concerned relatives.

It took me less than five minutes to make an excuse and get out of there, I decided to go and sit with my cousin (the one who was getting married) who, like me, was trying to avoid the relatives but much to my dismay he was called and we were made to sit in the front. As soon as the ceremony ended and we proceeded for lunch I tried desperately to look for a known face before I could be a caught in a guessing game which my relatives love to play (mujhe pehchana? mein tumhara chacha, bua , tau). Awkward smiles, stolen glances, desperate attempts to avoid anyone more than 80 kgs (for fear of being pounded upon) which, considering it was a punjabi wedding was a cumbersome task.

Then, it started, “so, when do you plan to get married? I thought you’d marry before your brother? Working? In NOIDA?? YOU STAY IN A FLAT?? Considering these reactions, I would have been easily blamed for any stroke they got that day while it would actually have been from all the oily food that they were stuffing in. Again, awkward smiles, and desperate attempts to walk out of there. Somehow, swallowed my lunch and begged my mom to leave so that I could get a few minuted of peace at home but God had other plans. As soon as I settled down to sleep in a far corner of a room, I was brutually reminded that I had come to attend a wedding and apparently, sleeping in a wedding is a punishable offence.

Then started the ‘what they called’ Sangeet, which to be honest was quite entertaining( I an after alll a Punjabi) and I was enjoying all this from a far corner of the room where I was comfortable hiding behind my mom. tThen it started, one after the other my long lost cousins starting pouring in, one of whom was younger to me, with kids in their lap, looking like they’ve just walked out of an Ekta Kapoor serial, their mothers along them with their chest full of pride for their daughters, reason? her daughter became a mother in the first year of her marriage. I am sure she would not have been shocked had I told her that her daughter was nominated for a “Bharat Ratan”. My bechari mom, feeling a little out of place tried to match them by telling me “look at them, they look so well dressed, why don’t you dress up like them, but I subsided her excitement by replying “what about the kids they have? How do I match that?

The night passed somehow and the next morning I was awakened by ladies rushing here and there mostly looking for some thing for their husbands and their husbands looking for them. The wedding.. aah.. even more relatives, more stares making me even more uncomfortable. I tried convincing my dad to let me go but apparently we have the same blood group so none of us gave up till the end, I kept asking him to let me go, he kept ignoring me( Well done Dad). I sat with him for 10 mins, by then he had showed me around 10 people who wanted to get their sons married to me. By then I decided that my mom was a better company and stuck with her for the rest of the ordeal. I also offered mom a drink, told were it would help beat the boredom but she thought I was joking and stared smiling. (What??) I didn’t have the guts to tell her I was not.

I wish my cousin a very happy married life and through this blog I want to tell him, what I had to go through for his wedding!! Buy me a nice gift when we meet next. You owe me one!!